Someday In Life- Reminiscing

Posted: August 10, 2015 in Blog Posts, Short Stories
Tags: , , , , , ,

 “Since Then, She Was Never The Same Again “

Just as she left me,unsaid & undone with no milestone .I don’t even remember the day,not even time or I never wanted to remember as a matter of fact.

 All i know is,I was left undone for whole life to come.

  She had to leave,so did she.

  My heart posed many a questions, I hardly could answer any of them. In fact I couldn’t any of them, for I was left unexplained

   As I lifted my steps forth, I felt the marrow of my bosom getting chilled. I was hell frozen. As the cool breeze passed through the trees along-side road.

  Out of the blue, the shower of drizzle added some sort of solace to my deserted life.

 Now I could cry my tears out.I did.

Ahhh!

  My eyes gazed at no other thing, “For her flashes kept reflecting with each falling drop”.

  I could feel my eyes perceiving rain.

 The Sky was all full of blood tales,hidden

   So was mine one among them,(Getting unfolded that day).

  The clouds were all set free from shackles, low & hairy .

  I could see them tending forth to meet their fate.

  For,

“The life of clouds is a parting & a meeting”.

  I was left with “no me” anymore. 

I tried to console myself, I hardly could, I fumbled.

 My heart being too frail would hardly listen to me,”So did it that day”.

 It kept recalling all that,which never happened or was still to get done.

  The drizzling packed some pace & I could hardly hearken my murmuring.

  “The tough of the toughest phase of my life,I was creeping through”. I believe.

   “Why this had to happen with me? Was i this bad? Was i such an ugly faced? Could destiny be cruel like this? Was she made for someone other,better than me? Is everything over & done with? Is this a nightmare or daydream? “

These questions kept striking my mind.

  I tried to convince myself with each bit of mine, But,

 Alas! My poorself was never used to rely on feigning.

  The fact was ,that, “We were no longer one.”

That oneness in us had fled away somewhere,”I don’t know where”.

  She no longer belonged to me thereafter.

 

“She no longer cares for me. She’s gone. I was loner now”.

     “A wanderer,Indeed”

Perhaps a mere kiss was never all that.

A mere hug never meant that “warm embrace of love”.

 Those soft taunts & serene scolds never meant she cared for me ever. “Perhaps!”

 Those night talks & hangouts never meant ,she loved or missed me ever, “Perhaps!”

  Her laughter on every silly joke of mine, “The height of my craziness to make her laugh more”,never meant she needed me by her side ever, “Perhaps!”

  The way she’d end up downing her lids on gazing,with a glimpse of her giggle,never meant i was part of her life ever, “Perhaps!”

  She’s happy now, happy in her own world. Apart from me.

  For those marked oaths were just few misspoken words for her.

  Although

 ” Promises are made to be broken”

 She holds the discernment over every decision.

   I was no-one to guide her through. 

For,perhaps I was at fault, “I may be”.

 For my only fault was “Loving Her”.

 Perhaps I Was Just Hard To Love.
“My Friend”,she was in relationship with now,

 Yes ! You got it right, She was in relationship with my friend.

 My Friend (More than a brother),whom I trusted more than any damn thing in this world.

With whom I used to share almost every damn thing.

Be it cracking gags , be it serious issues, Every damn thing

He had  been wearing fake mask from a long while.

Hell ! Does friendship really exist in this world ? I wonder

How could he prove this much disloyal? He broke me into pieces

 It was damn inconvincing , but fact though.

 Ahhh, Gosh ! It stretched my hallucination as I came across the fact, It did

 I hardly could bear this burden,intolerable as such.Yet holding on this agony.

  The shit has been cooking between them precisely after the month she came into my world,my life.

 I couldn’t even smell it, Hell! I’ve often been odd at odor.

 Or Say it like “she made it feel odorless to me & hooked up hours as fragrance”.

  I was betrayed, ditched & burried deepen shrouds long ago.

 My love was merely a bunch of cracking feelings for her & I was merely a toy she used to play with. As obvious I’ve been

  Argghhhh ! It gave rise to exasperation in me , I was no longer in my senses , the nerve-chilling incident ( Call it) broke me with the rain,”that kept gushing from the gulf of my heart”.

  I was all shuddering with chill, shivering to bones.

That whole mocking did leave a deep impact on my bruised soul,the perpetual scar”.

  What was I hoping from her ?

Couple a texts , few hoopbells, A confession ending up at “SORRY” , a letter fired up with “I Love You” ??

 Ahhaa Damn! These things sound better in books & movies & blahh blahhh

 I could rarely identify myself,

I was lost in her thoughts , i could feel her beside me.

I took a cigarette out of the Cigarette packet, kept in the front pocket of my jeans , lit it & turned the  whole atmosphere smoky. I kept smoking pipes one by one,till I was high

Smoke intensified the burden in my eyes, My eyes started itching, turning out to be crimson as those of a drunkard .                                By the time,heap of ashes kissed my feet. The pipes were overlying one another, bundle of pipes,so many in numbers (Though i didn’t calculate ), crossing almost 40’s.

Her thoughts were drawing  me deepen down in the dumps. I was hell torn apart.

“Laughing out at me , putting her arms around me & holding me tight.” I could feel the warmth of her embrace, the fragrance of her soul.

I could feel the soft touch of her glittering lips. “Those magical words”, “I could feel her uttering those words with highness & shyness”.

The lust in her eyes,I could feel that,

The pain in her tears,I could feel that.

 I could sculpt her up by summing up each thought & setting them right,(Though not being Sculptor)

 I was all drowned in her thoughts.
All of sudden I got a call from friend,

 

“Noh Noh! Not that one,”THE NEW LOVE OF MY BELOVED” ,

It wasnt Him, You took it wrong.

It was my dearest friend (Cousin more than a friend)

 I picked up his call,
He : Heyyy! Where you’ve been man? I need to discuss some important issue with you?

Guess what, I’m in love man ( His smile busted out with extreme excitement,one could feel), 

I mean we are in love, yes! You got me right bro, She approved my proposal. I’m so happy, flying like a love bird.

 Wanna meet uh ASAP(yoyo )
Me : Ahhh ! Lucky you man 

 I’m happy for you.
He: Hey! you sounding so low.

Are you Okay? I guess Not

 Tell me Where are You?
Me : Array No, Imma bit under weather, flu caught me up,so that’s why sounding a bit low may be ( i replied in quite low tone,pretended to be okay)
He: Hope so man. Come soon

 Between tell you what,We’re going for a date (ahemmmmm), 

she’s like an angel for me, her angelic eyes resembles with your “Ladylove” .

Ahh! Lucky us to be blessed with such angels. 

Suggest me some outfit,For you’re seraphic at it.

  Moreover I forgot to ask you about your ladylove, 

How is She(Ahmmmm Ahmmm Ahmmm) ? My boy ! your love is reaching heights with each passing day (hahahah)

 By the way Where are you? How much time will it take you to be here ?? Waiting haan ? Meet me & let us have a bang ( He being much talkative set forth his excitement)
Me : Ahhhh ! Well she’s fine, shee , Sheee….. She’s fine I tell you Sheee,Shee must be fine, She’s fine.

She’s living good, She ought to be fine (My tongue waffled for a moment under the burden of tears, )

(Until I gained a bit composure)

 Haan , haan I’m coming

 Coming in a flash(Tears were all set to outburst)
He: Hey broda ? What happened,? Tell me ?

 Baat Kya hai ( What’s wrong)?  I can smell something odd cooking there, what are you hiding from me ?? 

 Dammit tell me What’s wrong?

 I’m tensed.

Kaminey Ro Mat , Tell me kisi ne kuch kaha ( Don’t cry you idiot, did something Happen)? Uss se jagda hua (Referring to my ladylove) ?? Usne kuch kaha? (Did you two have a fight? )

Hua kyaaaaaaa?? Tell me please tell me ( He caught my tears(Ahh these cellphones,couldn’t it pause for a while till I was done with tears),He knew I was broken,deserted,so damn high & dry. Ahhh! I could feel the tears in his eyes too)
Me: I don’t know where I’m ( crying with pain,I really was stuck at some far off place)

(Her thoughts kept blowing my mind hard”, nothing was working right for me)

Bhai! I don’t know where I am, 

I am , I am . . . ,I am hell broken, I’m dying with pain !

(Ahhh! For the misery had bound me with no exit)

Shee left . . ( Phone disconnected, battery drained off)

Ahhhh ! My bad time was worsening with each split-second

I was all shattered forlorn, left with scattered dreams.

 While getting back to her reminiscence, I could feel her oaths pinching my soul.

 Woven with stitches.

 It was like treading upon Thorny boulevards, pricking on each step.

  Her departure gave rise to blisters in my breast & her betrayal acted as a thorn,pricking the blisters to raise the pain

 

Ironic! Yes my situation was hell ironic.

  Death was the only Cure for me, I believe.

  I kept holding on those tears untill they could hardly resist the burden anymore, i finally let them dry off

 I screamed & yelled aloud., 

 I cried my red tears dry

Till drought came slow & deep,

As deep as endless love

I was bewildered by the question, “Shall I hold on or Let her go?”
Though “LETTING GO” aint this easy as it sounds 

  

Finally I opted to Wait Till The Tempest Calms Down, “May Be Never !”

 By somehow I managed to reach home, Lately But Reached

For “Coming Lately” being my daily schedule

 Ahhh ! I missed it,when , “she’d hoop my phone up just to assure “I reached home safely”.

 She now even don’t care at all.This was Goddamn fact I ought to accept with tattered heart (Turning To be Golden).

  

I grew stronger with each passing day. For I was all done , Having nothing to care about anymore.  Lost my bliss , my precious dreams which i kept dreaming every now & then. “It was the moment when there was nothing left to wait for”.

 For day would bring her close to me & night would bring her in my dreams Our closure meant worth a thousand million worlds to us.

” There was nothing left to lose “

 She fired me out of her life alike spit.

“I guess she won’t even agonized me, if we ever crossed our ways or met with co-incidence”.

  This twinge is sharp wedged, it kept churning down my hopes.

  “She won’t miss me”? Oh Lord! How could one alter this much”

 “Alter in ego?? “

“No no , it is just a mere whim of mine “, i tried to console my poorself.

  Its been years,  

   2,3,4. . . . .

She’s yet mine in my dreams. Dreams are my besties , they being reliable , never let me down as such. I wish to live my other half in dreams,for, that’s (dreams) the only place i find her beside me. 

A pen in my hand would never expunge her from my reminiscence.               

  

        Later,
Few days back, i saw her waiting for bus near the bus stand.

                                   Ah God ! I still remember her killing looks, “Sparkling Innocence in each bit”,                                                                                                                                                                                                 

She was,”Dressed in Green”, ‘though Green being never her favorite’,

(Although Mine), 

With glasses,suiting her tempting eyes

                        (Those eyes yet gushing life)                         

  That Glory has intensified with time. She was looking out of this World, so damn gorgeous, beyond the bounds of beauty. Highly Personified.

  To be fair enough ” Words can’t sum up her glory”.

While gazing at her, these lines stroke my mind:

 “I felt life On Clasping Her Gaze ,

 But her gaze was never the same,

Eye To Eye Was Just Not Enough,

Heart To Heart was alike Chalk & Cheeze “

Ahhh! She drew her head off as if I was never known to her. “Strangers  For No Good Cause”.

It hurts when someone shuns you for some unknown, untold logic.” Though No strong logic for me, for i was left unexplained for my remaining half”.  Verily It hurts.It did hurt me a lot.

  She Shook her head(in regret), as if some ominous was about to happen.

I could grasp her gestures cursing me,Saying ” O Woe To You Demon! Your Shade Spoils My Way”.

That Grimace on looking at me, i cant omit ever.
And in a while,Bus rode along the road 

She even didnt bid “Bye”to me,
Ahhhh! She didn’t look back just even once, not even half (Although She should have)

She was altered. She was never the same anymore

I witnessed alter-ego in her traits

My love was gone. Died out & burried.  I was much like forgotten land. 

Ahhh ! My hands were trembling ,I sighed frozen sigh & moved back to my home that day. Her alteration set ablaze my soul, till dusk broke out ,the sky was veiled by clouds , The dark clouds patrolling alike spies, striking each other with immense pace.                                                                      As the hours passed , i had a night full of rain,  till the sleep overtook me.     

I miss the way she’d hid me under the shade of her odorous yet unfixed tangles

I miss everything about her

About Us,

I Miss Her,

I Miss My Life,

I Wish To Reach Her Someday,

I Wish Her To Be Mine Again Someday,

I’m Keenly Waiting For This “SOMEDAY”,

I’ll Keep Waiting For This “SOMEDAY”

  Untill I Die,

 “SOMEDAY”

S. Zumair For Beyond Sanity Publishing

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