“Sarah, and at that moment, at that very precise moment he felt like he was thrown away into to the space with his soul ripped apart savagely. Backing away in fear, agony he slipped into vicious constellation of chaos, his past. And those terrible omens of death with their cunning cold burning auras sucked life out of the grey eyes. He was a terrible mess of was and is.”  Nathan’s voice broke. Closing his eyes tightly, he clenched his jaws tightly. He was playing with the miseries he had inside his brain. He was relating about the burns he had cloaked beneath the grave silence. There was a thick dust of time between the present and past. Hideous and terrible and loathsome. Taking a deep breath Nathan opened his eyes and looked at Sarah , she sat there frozen and broken. Her face , so pale and her lips closed tightly and her eyes, those hazel green eyes dimly lit. Tears trickling down her cheeks. Nathan nodded his head and began to speak slowly,” He kept waiting for you Sarah. You had to be there. Beside him, with him. It was never just him. It was about both of you. It was about the vow never to broken. It was not one soldier war. It was not Deans war alone Sarah. Why did you leave ? Just because he couldn’t get over the traumas he had to handle on his own? Just because he opened his heart to you ? It was his worst battle Sarah. I saw him ever fight. He was wounded, his soul was shredded. His grey eyes had long lost there shine. He was dead Sarah. He died the very day you left. He was a lump of flesh and bones just with a pouch of memories he had to fight with.” Nathan walked over to the chest of drawers with his hands in his pockets. Sarah had not spoken a word, she was crying silently. Her lips white. She looked as if someone had drenched all the blood out of her. Tears falling into her lap. She was apparently staring at her hands. But her mind was far away from her surroundings. She was at the Hudson Beach, she could hear herself saying how much she hated Dean, and how he stood there dumbstruck over her words. She heard Nathan’s voice in background.

“You see these letters Sarah ? All these letters he wrote to you but never posted. Just because he feared. Yeah, dean feared you. He feared the look in your eyes for him. He was paralysed over the words Sarah. And it took him years to recover and when he did, he had already left us. You know what he wrote in these letters? Not a single letter of how much hurt he was. Not a single phrase of mockery. Not a single statement of explanation. He just wrote… Sarah, all he wrote was how much alone he was… How  much he needed you beside him… in how much pain he was… “ Nathan jerked his head and turned around and hurried towards the window. He couldn’t control over his tears for long. With his hands over the sill of the window, he cried. Amidst the tears he began again,”  I saw my friend die in front of my eyes. I saw him laugh, smile and cry and whimper. I saw him dreading the agony and then living through it. I saw his laughter die away. I saw him in blood and bruises. I saw him ebrious and insomniac. I saw him bleeding and fainting. I saw him on his death bed. I saw his faintly opened grey eyes… I heard him Sarah. I watched him take my hand and speaking in his old husky voice. You know what he said?”  he swallowed a lump of tears.

Sarah lifted her head up, her face wet with tears and her eyes swollen with her hands over her lips.

“Promise me Nathan, you will never tell her about anything…she will hurt herself. Promise me Nathan, you wont for the sake of good old times…I know she will return one day…maybe with flowers in her hand and cranes to put on my grave.I had never been much of a friend for you Nathan… forgive me..”  Nathan sobbed harder and rubbed his eyes furiously and said,” and before i could promise him he left… he left me alone and went for the better place. I loved him like my brother but I couldn’t save him Sarah. I can never forgive myself for closing his eyes with my hands. I hate myself for putting him in his grave. I could have saved him. I could have… ” Nathan sank down exhausted onto the floor cushion. He threw his head in his hands and pulled his hair and wailed. And Sarah , her lips trembled and her eyes wide open with fear. She was shaking and she began to sob and whimper. She had flashbacks.

 Her face shining with tears, Dean wiping away the drops, holding her hands tightly.

 White dress, Cathedral, Vows, smiles. Candles, cakes, wishes.

Dean late night arrival, her voice shouting angrily , Dean bending down and giving her flowers.

Paris tours, miss calls, Dean excusing, Her voice complaining, dean coming with next flight, sick and exhausted. Making up her mood.

Dean fainting, hospital, reports, Dean hiding away the papers.

Sarah was shrieking loudly,” DEAN!!!! No!!!!!”

Hudson beach, i hate you dean. i just hate you. his pale face and trembling lips. backing away with fear. her anger, his fear.

Sarah wild with pain stood up and walked around crazily throwing away the vase and glass stands from the table. Nathan looked at her, she was a mess. Briskly rubbing his face and eyes hard he ran towards her.  She threw another glass at the floor and advanced to hit the table with her fists. Nathan reached and pulled her aside.

” What are you doing Sarah? Don’t do this!” Sarah pulled herself free from his grasp and threw herself over the glass table. The glass broke with a huge shatter as Sarah fell down on the marble.  Glass pierced in her arms and hands. She was bleeding badly. Nathan horrified, pushed her before she could pick up the fragments of glass and hurt herself.

“Listen to me Sarah. Dean has left. He’s gone. You are hurting him by doing this. Don’t do this to my friend.” shaking he pulled the glass piece from her arm but she was drenched in blood. She sat there staring at the open window with blank eyes.

Running over to the kitchen, Nathan looked over for the First Aid Box. He couldn’t hear the sobs and shrieks. There was all silence. Speedily returning to the lounge, he couldn’t see her on the floor neither she was on the sofa. Horrified he looked towards the window. She was there over the sill with the letters in her hands and a blend of mysticism and throes.

” SARAH!!!!!!! “ Nathan yelled his lungs out and ran blindly. But it was too late. She had jumped. Down… down … down…


There was a pool of blood around her crumpled body. Letters all around her body. Nathan fell down on his knees and picked up a paper floating in the blood.

yours forever.


and over the name was Sarah’s ring finger… the platinum band soaked in blood as the words engraved read,

“Avoir la foi, mon amour”


Areesh Fatmee For Beyond Sanity Publishing

  1. […] at that very precise moment he felt like he was thrown away into to the space with his soul rippedAPART savagely. Backing away in fear, agony he slipped into vicious constellation of chaos, his past. And […]

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